COMMENTARY: We Should Die Twice

Dr. Lester CN Simon

We Should Die Twice

1.We should die twice. The first time to hear what people say about us and the second time for real. 

2.Can you imagine going to your funeral and getting out of the coffin and walking out of the church totally confused? The things they say about you; and the false weeping and gnashing of teeth… including that one with such poor oral hygiene you wish their ocean of crocodile tears would flow down past their cheeky cheeks to their wide-open disbelieving mouth and wash it out.

3. A few minutes to a few hours right after hearing of your death they are saying all sorts of things about your soul resting in peace. And these are the very same bad-minded, covetous people who tortured your soul when you were alive. They don’t even know if your soul takes a few days to separate from your body to take on its new ethereal form. It’s as if they are so glad to see you gone. Condolences. Rest in peace. Rest in peace my foot. It’s a good and wise thing that jumbie can’t talk bad word.

4. No wonder so much jumbie all over the place, secretly distracting people, drivers, and all, hoping that the hypocrites will join the jumbie gang soon, and rest in peace too; but rest far, far from you, preferably in another graveyard altogether.  

5. At least one or two of them are honest. Give thanks for that. And amongst these honest ones, you have to pick out the ones who tell the truth with flair and humour and try to say who you really were, to the utter surprise of many others.

6. Did you hear the one about the death of the bald-headed Rastaman? He went to the Wild, Wild West (not the WWW internet). In dire need of a drink, he pushed the batwing doors of a saloon and, being a well-brought-up person with nuff manners and wanting to greet everyone in the saloon, he shouted Jah! Legend has it that he never lived to say …Rastafari. May his soul rest in peace. 

7. This matter of our customary, cultural behavior at funerals requires close examination. Over the years, it has changed from a dirge to a celebration of the life of the departed. And so it should be. After all, the funeral is for the living. The dead are truly hard of hearing. And they neither can smell the bouquet of flowers, nor the expensive perfume you now decide to wear for the first time to show off yourself, in fine clothes, with parts of your body almost totally exposed; parts of your body that the dead could not have seen, even after endless implorations and your false, deceitful, empty promises in return. You should have listened to Lord Kitchener: Gi me de ting de doctor order me. And now you want to raise the dead?

8. We should die twice. How many times did they kill The Mighty Sparrow, the Barb of the Caribbean? The news said he died from something in his bladder and a double dose of leukemia? He had a belly transplant operation in England. And he is standing up in a corner listening to his own death announcement. Better yet, he sings about it. His funeral was on television, and these days it’s streaming like a world wide web, of lies. 

9. The funeral celebration should include the playing of recorded music that the departed loved and wanted to share with you. Music like A Love Supreme by John Coltrane, as well as its live version by Brandford Marsalis; Nubian Sundance by Weather Report; Celebration Suite, No Mystery and Interplay, by Return to Forever, So What and Freddie Freeloader by Miles Davis from his Kind of Blue album. Don’t leave out Lonely Woman by the inimitable Ornette Coleman, First Light by Freddie Hubbard, A Lotus on Irish Streams by John McLaughlin and the Mahavishnu Orchestra, and the Adagietto from Gustav Mahler’s Fifth Symphony. 

10. Only the Nunc Dimitis the congregation will be allowed to sing. At this stage of the funeral, you are on your way out of the church to be greeted by an Iron Band and then interred to the melodious sound of a steelband. 

11. At the end of the funeral, they go to the repast to drink off all the liquor and eat off all the food you hard-earned money provided; and chat all kinds of lies and gossip about you. Thankfully, someone will ask: Is this really So and So funeral? They would think that you should rise again and come back alive in three days and see how people are carrying on. With this in mind, there is only one word that will come forth to this person, taking a drink, musing in the shadows, and walking away from the maddening crowd.

12. Jesus! 

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