Madhouse Jams – Governor’s Balls

The content originally appeared on: Antigua News Room



This commentary arose from that titled; ‘Forgotten in Prison – Rescued by Robinson.’ This speaks to ‘year-long custody of ‘Mentally-Challenged ‘Gillian Simmons.’ The minor nature of the ‘Summary offence,’ provoked angst in the citizenry. Seemingly, for reasons of inadvertence or mal-administration, or none of these, a ‘7 Day period on remand at ‘His Majesty’s Prison (HMP),’ was allowed to be extended from ‘January 2022 to December 2022.’ Instructively, for the particular breach of law, the statutory penalty is an imposable fine of EC$ 500; or (b)Without the option of a fine, a maximum custodial sentence of ‘One Month,’


This has not provoked widespread national discourse among the law-abiding citizens, but also reportedly distressed an indigent family. Former Attorney General, Kings Counsel Justin ‘L. Simon’ graphically describes a system that Prison authorities called ‘Indigent Bail,’ both for the ‘Sane and Insane’ accused or defendants as ‘…Bullshit’ [ABN: December 23, 2022].


The Editors of ‘Antigua News Room (ANR)’ were requested to pull it down from their pages. They so obliged.’ The ‘Computer’ became as ‘Radically Crazy’ as the contents of this commentary. The ‘Crazy-behaving device, erratically ‘Cut and Paste’ paragraphs in-sequentially. A virus seemed to have attacked the device and seriously affected the data. This is currently being looked at, that it may be uploaded to ‘ANR’ later in the week. For now, visitors may ‘Read and have a laugh.’


As a consequence, the writer’s brain, most of it, went temporarily crazy as well. Likened to the Computer, that too seemed to have been overworked. prompting a tossing, somewhere with scores of ‘Manuscripts.’ Some part of the brain admonished; ‘That will be a silly thing to do.’ Retired to bed. Took a ‘Feline or Cat’s Nap.’ The brain urged, stop fiddling with the darn thing. The laptop wanted a ‘Nap,’ too. Tuned to ‘BBC’ to hear ‘Steven Sakar,’ but that ‘Hard Talk’ programme had passed. The thoughts then went ‘Wildly Imaginary.’ Woke computer up. Seems sleepy. Tried again, and it responded a ‘kind of way.’


This commentary would not have been considered without ‘an Anecdote.’ It is humorous and imaginatively ‘Wild and Crazy.’ Stretching the imagination, crazy thoughts came. Just typed them in. Now, it looks at the situation facing ‘Magistrates and Prison authorities. Seems best explained anecdotally.  Looked at the nation’s ‘Penal and Psychiatric Institutions,’ that seem to have gone (a) ‘Decisionally; (b) Administratively; and (c) Procedurally Crazy.’


The ‘Prison Superintendent’ now seemed inescapably wedged between a ‘Rock and a ‘Hard Place.’ Among the ‘…prisoners; …inmates; …residents’ are people that appear to like the taste of  blood; Cause funerals; and love guns.’ That which research has revealed suggests that ‘Prison’ does not want ‘Crazy People’ and ‘Clarevue’ does not want those said to be ‘Mentally-deficient.  He should have no problems, if they are placed safely under ‘lockdown.’ Have a couple of friends in there; (i) ‘…Devil; (ii) …Delano; Marvin; (iii) …Mel: (iv) …Ziggy; and …Shabazz.’


An identifiable few seems to be ‘Out of touch with reality’ Some going out of touch as well. Those that qualified to be where they can have ‘Clear View’ of the Basket Ball Court’ from ‘Clarevue,’ seem to have harbor thought that could also make them feel they are going ‘Crazy.’  Here is wishing them all, and of course, the general Prison population; Superintendent and Staff and Ancillary workers; ‘A Happy New Year.’


Now, ‘Prison Environment, likened to other jurisdictions is ‘Controlled.’ Thus, the prisoners are kept controlled. The four walls keep those that are to be kept in, safe from the rest of society. Such environment is ‘Dangerous and Deadly’ to every man and woman within the ‘Limited Space.’  There is no place to run, and there is no place to hide. So, everyone is at risk. In quiet times, the Officers are in control. In other times, the officers are under prisoner’s control. The problem has never been the environment. People confined often ‘Create and Dictate;’ (a) ‘What should happen; (b) Why it should happen; (c) Why it should happen; and (d) When it should not happen. Good networking:


Nothing happens by chance. They shape and influence, not only people, but also what the environment should be. It often starts with ‘Fear Injecting’-the most critical factor in close confines.’ It is usually that which was created by: (i) ‘Prisoners with prisoners: (ii) Prisoners and Officers and vice versa: and (iii) ‘Officers and Superintendents and versa. It has always been the responsibility of ‘Prison Superintendents’ to ‘Create an Enabling Environment.’ Firstly, is to ‘Stamp Authority.’ Why?  Superintendents and Officers are, are neither dealing with ‘Saints, nor Sinners.’ ‘The Lord inspires and lead the former, and ‘Priests, Preachers and Pastors’ deal with the latter.


Most organizations are cultural. Among the membership are; ‘…Cells; …Cliques; …Upstarts; and Agitators; and Trouble makers.’ These are problematic, not only among themselves, but also for those that manage and supervise. Indicators: (i) ‘Wielding influence; (ii) Most are ‘Street Smart; (iii) Some have the most ‘Sentimental Lyrics’ (coined); (iv). Some are ‘Exploitative and Manipulative.’ The Manager must win the confidence of the one observable exhibiting the ‘Power of Influence.’ This is one that shall be made ‘Trustee.’ Respect their human dignity and worth, and reward with ‘Ego-boosted Privilege.’


Some hills are steep; Some seas are stormy: Some rivers run deep; and Some mountains are tall. The ‘Mohammad Principle advises; ‘If the mountain won’t come to Mohammad, the Muhammad must go to the Mountain’ [Free Dictionary]. This commentary is strictly ‘Anecdotal.’ It speaks to issues, cursorily, as they have affected the efficient management and control of ‘Her Majesty’s Prison (HMP). For some time now, and long before the tenure of ‘Prison Superintendent Jermaine Anthony,’ one or two ‘Mentally Unstable,’ were being accommodated within the penal institution. They have shared that which the ‘State has provided for the institutionalized convicted ‘Sane’ residents, as the temporarily ordered ‘Prison Remandees.’


Looked at from two perspectives, this appears problematic. These are; (i) ‘Inadequacy of space due to over-population: (ii) Quality of food: (iii) Hygiene; and (iv) Intolerance, due to frustration and stress and anxiety.’ Then there a gamut of other issues -individually and administratively, that seemed to have been plaguing the penal institution. Those that are most likely to develop to the level of ‘upheavals are; ‘Friction; Tension; and Commotion.’ This was said to have been for reasons of either structural dilapidation, irreparability and/or inadequacy of space. These were said to have been among difficulties faced by Prison Superintendent, Jermaine Anthony, his support staff and restless residents.


Consequent upon these likened to cliché, ‘Any port for a storm.’ Though not necessarily that which is desirable, those within its confines, will have experienced the ‘Winds of Change.’ Now, revolutionizing the thinking, since the ‘Prison’ population appears to be facing ‘exponential increase; and cellular inadequacy ‘Internal sporadic turmoil,’ a ‘Prison Superintendent’ might wish use his ‘Wit; Initiative and ‘Creativity.’ Though not necessarily wishing to emulate, he would be likened to ‘former Education Minister, Michael Browne.’ He may wish him to guide his thinking in ‘Creative’ in seeking to create an enabling environment.’


Thus, he may seek to ease, inter alia; Discontent and reduce the potential for disaffection and upheaval.’ In creating such an environment, likened to previously held concerts and dramatic performances, within the confines of Prison, he may discretely allow institutionalized residents to use it for ‘Mad House Jams and Governor’s Balls.’


From ‘Dusk to Dawn,’ they shall be recreated, and among themselves, entertain each other. Keeping the ‘Sane’ from becoming ‘Insane,’ the ‘Superintendent, Prisoner officers and prisoners’ would freely get to socialize, mingle and interact on issues affecting the administration, and the residents, their welfare and well-being. For those events, attendees- officers and residents shall be called ‘Mad Men and Mad Women.’ Those considered ‘Super-Mad,’ erratic as to be disruptive, shall be cellularly confined. As a last resort ‘mechanically controlled. They shall be entertained from their cells, and given attention only by the ‘Crazy Women. Should fights ensue, they shall be assisted by able-bodied ‘Crazy Men.’


One is reminded that this is ‘Anecdotally Crazy.’ The ‘Prison Superintendent,’ may make representation on behalf of residents for the occasional holding of ‘Entertainment’ at a designated place within ‘His Majesty’s Prison.’ Such entertainment shall be for legally confined residents and lawfully remanded persons. Their mental state shall not be a bar to their attendance.’’ He may, himself, hold ‘Balls ???’ Ah-ah – ‘Governor’ holding ‘Balls?’ Ah-ah! The Governor shall do no such thing. In informing residents, he shall use the word ‘Dance’ (Governor’s Ball)’ [Mighty Sparrow: YouTube]. Lest it might be misconstrued, view this Video.’


When ‘Jamming,’ nothing shall be exposed; (a) Jamming that is suggestive, may warrant ejection; (b) When addressing the ‘Governor,’ stand erect at attention; (c) Nothing shall be seen as imitating or mimicking any of the ‘Jammer’s’ action or behavior; (d) Look at the Governor straight to the face. His countenance, might show just what his ‘Foot’ is thinking, whether dancing or kicking; (e) A ‘Puffing Area’ shall be designated; (f) Grammes shall be reduced to 10; (g) If nothing is weighable, have ‘High Leaf’ available; (h) There shall be no sniffing; That shall be left to the Police Canine; (i) Still no dogs shall be invited to sniff anything while Jamming (j) Serve no alcoholic beverages; (k) The ‘ADC’ shall be keenly observant; (l) He shall take the first drink; (m) If he speaks incoherently or walks wobbly or dance ‘Crazy,’ check for the ‘Alcohol Proof.’ It might just be ‘Spanish Fly;(n) If he says he feels like he is going ‘Crazy’ dispatch him to ‘Clarevue; (o) Should he refuse or resist, and suddenly dies, then call ‘Barnes or Straffie’s.


NOW: For these ‘Jams; (i) ‘A Dress Code shall be ‘Jam’ clothes- wear anything.’ The ‘Governor General’ shall so ‘Proclaim. The ‘Crazy Men,’ might wear something that looks crazy with jacketless sleeves. The ‘Crazy Women’ may do the same, but long skirts. The Governor shall not see their ankles nor elbows. He may see their toes None shall expose anything to cause excitement nor embarrassment. No apparel that may confuse the ‘Governor’s’ mind. Nothing to addle or befuddle his brain, nor lights to dazzle his eyes. For he might think that he is going ‘Crazy,’ too. There shall be no outrageous Jamming;(


Ensure that no ‘Spanish Fly’ is used to lace his drink. Personal safety, dictates no obedience or compliance to compromise the Governor’s personal safety; (x) If the drinks were so laced, privately advise him that when he return to his residence, he shall kill the Fly, when he retires to bed; (xi) Notwithstanding, pay him compliments and extend courtesies; (xii) Maintenance of Order: At the ‘Jams and Balls’  there is no ‘Law’ but ‘Order’ shall be maintained; (xiii) Other than those with residency status within the institution, no Police officer shall be called to lock down, neither ‘Jams nor Balls;’ (xiv) Those that are already convicted residents, they may be called upon to assist with order and internal security.


None shall use hazardous-emitting ‘Teary-Eyes Gas Fumes; and Rubber Bullets at the Governor’s Balls; (xv) Those prosecutorally-proven corrupt, lock away all guns and drugs; (xv) Those with desires of flesh- Animal or Human,’ if preference is ‘Pork,’ they shall be ‘Scripturally edified of ‘Forbidden Flesh;’ (xvi) If they have eaten other flesh, let them not be seen as cannibals; (xvii) Should they become agitated, request a ‘Hog’ from ‘King Obstinate;’ (xviii); They shall share it with other residents, as well as Officers accused of smuggling in contraband; (xix) Mindful of his appetitive delight; (xx) The intestinal parts shall not be disposed to dogs: (xxi) These shall be returned to him that for making ‘Rice Pudding;’(xxii) There shall be no ‘thieving’ or bragging, after  eating ‘Obsti’s Hog,’ as he will sing about it at Christmas’ [Song: Police Thief Me Hog].


Now Fire/Emergencies: Prior adopted precautions, as the ‘Prison Rules’ obligate to the Superintendent shall be followed’ [Rule 12]; Therefore, in the event of fire or other emergencies; (a) ‘Immediate activation of Alarm Systems; (b) Escort Governor to safety; (c) Immediately summon new ‘Fire Chief.’ Notwithstanding their societal indiscretions, ‘Sane or Insane,’ ‘Prison Residents,’ shall quickly remove themselves from the inferno; (e) Such removal shall not be called ‘Escape from Lawful Confinement or Lawful Custody.’ There is no criminal offence call; Running from Fire,’ be it the ones that burn and sometimes kill, or the ones involving the use of guns.


None shall be confused with; (a) Escaping Legal Confinement or Lawful Custody; with (b) Running from ‘Fire or Gunfire.’  It is to be understood that; (i) ‘Only those that see fire, run; and (c) Only those that hear ‘Gunfire,’ scamper. Managing Prisons or not, even ‘Soldiers’ must run from ‘Gun Fires and Prison Fires; ‘Captains Dunnah and Phillip’ ran. ‘Sane or Insane’ it is normal for people to run from both. Brave people do run to fire. Likened to Fire Brigade personnel, they go to Fires. Should ‘Lieutenant Colonel Trevor K. Pennyfeather be assigned to the ‘Her Majesty’s Prison,’ know that he may be going to ascertain just from where smoke is still being emitted.


Still on the subject of ‘Fire/Emergencies,’ should Fire breaks out at the Prison, except to hell, they can, and will be running from Fire, Gunfire and all; Some might run for other reasons.’ Those running out of harm’s way, shall be assembled at the ‘Antigua Recreation Ground.’ Residents shall be under the temporary supervision of ‘Devil; Marvin; and Mel.’ (i) ‘Unruly residents shall still be subject to ‘Prison Discipline; (ii) Punishment shall not be ‘severely brutal, nor demising- Fatal; (iii) Discipline is imposable, only as the ‘Superintendent’ may direct; ((iv) Whatever may be the reason, no resident shall re-enter, until ‘Fire Chief’ declares it safe, so to do; (5) In avoiding agitated indiscipline, they shall be served ‘Plastic-bottled water and promptly fed; (l) ‘Bun, Butter and’ Cheese’ shall not be the menu; (6) Provide a radio that they may listen to ‘BBC; (7)If snot sanctioned by the ‘Governor,’ no violent US Rapper and Jamaican music shall be played. NOW:  When the ‘Jamming and Balls’ come to an end, residents’ status shall be restored to ‘Prisoners; (8) Sane and insane, they shall all sing; ‘We are jolly good ‘Prisoners;(9) Lead by ‘Devil,’ all Prisoners shall sing: ‘God Save the King;’ (x) From hereon, this shall be the ‘Doxology of Prison.’ These shall be strictly observed and obeyed. End of ‘Anecdotes.’ It has been said; ‘A little nonsense, now and then is relished by the wisest men.


From the perspective of ‘Prison administration, superintendence, management and control’ perspective, these ‘Jail Jams and Governor’s Balls,’ could significantly help to reduce resident’s frustration and Prison officers’ discontent and dissatisfaction. The ‘Advantages’, inter alia are; (a) ‘Elimination of Prison violence; (b) Protestations; (c) Enhancing harmonious Officer/resident relations; (c) Strengthening functional cooperation with Superintendent and Prison Officers; (d) Maintaining and sustaining institutional stability; and (d) Improving internal Prison Security.’ These, however, are attainable only to the extent that all ‘serving-sentenced residents and remandees,’ are received in a ‘State of Mental Fitness.’