LETTER: Black women and the choices they sometimes make

The content originally appeared on: Antigua News Room

Black women and the choices they sometimes make…

Black women are beautiful, hard- working and intelligent creatures. We must thank them for being the backbone of our society. Many of us were brought up in single-parent households led by women who many times had to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children. We know that children don’t ask to be born so there is no commendation for a parent simply doing what they are supposed to and then almost guilt- tripping their children.

However, many times, women had no desire to parent on their own but had children with irresponsible men so these women “had to do what they had to do.” Many of these women from times past did not have much access to education and did not know better. The options for ways to enrich their lives were limited and the struggling black mother became normalized and somewhat expected.

We’re now living in advanced times where many women are well- educated. Quite often, we see women posting about their academic achievements and take on being educated as an integral part of their identity.

However, the cap, gown and graduation pictures too many times is where the education ends because our black women in our society continue to allow themselves to make piss poor decisions in other areas of their lives. They allow themselves to be burdened by men who clearly have no interest in building a stable family home. I would want to think that being educated would reflect in better life choices but many times, I’ve seen “educated women” wind up with men who don’t have a pot to piss in, can’t write a proper sentence or a man whose ability to provide may be significantly impeded because he already has children all over like a stud on a plantation.

Let’s do the math, if a man has to care for himself and children in many different households, how can he really have money to sufficiently build a bright and prosperous future with these young, educated women? Women who claim to be smart still wind up popping kids out for these men and men who have shown minimal interest in them. The most they can do is post up glittery maternity photos trying to do a Shein- style take on Beyoncé’s pregnancy photoshoot, maybe have a gender- reveal party with a man who looks like he was dragged to attend and that’s as far as it goes into building the family because no wedding bells are to be heard.

I have seen an educated woman lament how strong she is for being a single mother and doing it all on her own. Now, I definitely agree that her child’s father ought to step up and face his responsibility but I could have told her the man was not serious about that “relationship” so I don’t know what outcome she could have expected other than being the stereotype of a black, single- mother.

I am not saying that marriage is the end all, be all. However, it has its benefits when it comes to building generational wealth and creates the stability for a family to grow. Women be real. How many of you prefer being baby mamas over being a wife and mother? I’m sure some of you are saying there are a lot of women who are married and miserable… true. However, many are married and miserable and choose to stay within the marital home because there are still benefits to it.

If you do get married and it just isn’t working then you can leave but at least give yourself a chance. Don’t say you don’t want it because you’re afraid it won’t happen or you find yourself unworthy of being someone’s wife. This isn’t meant to cause women to hide in shame but to cause women to choose better for themselves. Wouldn’t you like to have your family under one roof? The benefits of pooling your income? Someone already at home to help out with child-rearing? A partner already at home to leave the kids with when you have a girls’ night? Legal protection? Come on. Let’s keep it real.

Black educated women are sometimes too interested in trying to be cool, showing they are still “down” by twerking online and showing they still have it going on after allowing themselves to get pregnant for a man who will be out the door by the time the umbilical cord is cut. I believe regardless of the situation men need to take care of their children but I truly believe black women can choose better and view ourselves differently. We are more than our behinds and breasts.

Worth more than photoshoots. Stability is something many women want and there shouldn’t be any shame in black women pursuing it. I can’t see any other race of woman being ashamed to want more for herself. If you don’t want kids, fine. But these struggle relationships and fragmented families we have going on aren’t ideal.

There’s a viral clip going around on social media saying, “You thinking small when you need to be thinking big.” Women, black women it’s time we start thinking big and make EDUCATED decisions in our personal lives. Do not give this an emotional response but truly think about it.

Think big.